Adulting

So I guess it’s been a while…

It’s been over two months since my last post, and I wish I had a better excuse but the reality was I went on holiday.

I was lucky enough to spend three wonderful weeks in the United States during the month of October, hitting up LA, New York and Miami respectively. It was absolutely amazing, but the jetlag was merciless…

Now that I’m home and more or less back to normal functioning, I have a monstrous tbr pile sitting on my bedside table just waiting for me to get stuck into.

There is a bit of a financial theme running throughout this collection though. As I happened to have picked up “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” at the airport, and have consequently become addicted to financial guides. It’s all rather interesting and useful information, so of course I want to share it with as many people as I can!

Until then…

Adulting, Books, Motivation

Me-Time

Life can be so strange sometimes. What was a seemingly mundane evening, somehow delivered a rare moment of clarity. A reminder of who I really am, or what I’m actually like… something along those lines anyway.

I went to see the film “Juliet, Naked” another brilliant film adaption of another brilliant Nick Hornby book. The movie was wonderful, which was fortunate because due to its limited release I had to drive thirty five minutes away just to see it. But it made me feel nostalgic. Not for any specific era, but for a type of film which rarely gets made anymore. A type of film that in all honesty most of my friends would never bother to watch, but I adore and get so excited about… maybe even too excited about. The book is amazing too, and while the film differs in certain aspects and plot points, the overall feeling remains the same.

So I went to see the film, dragged my poor old mum along under the pretense of mother-daughter bonding, and we had a lovely time. I actually had a rather pleasant evening, and it made me realize how few of those I have had in the last few months.

The thing is, I’ve been out to dinners and concerts and to the movies with friends, but there has always been some sort of compromise involved. I’ve attended these events, even suggested them in some cases, because I know everyone will enjoy them. Even I more or less enjoyed them. And although I’m very grateful for all of those experiences and relationships, somehow they all fall short when compared to this evening. Because this evening was for me. It was true to me.

Countless self help books talk about this concept of “me-time”. The importance of taking some time for yourself to rest and recharge. But as an added inducement, me-time can also give you the space to get back to yourself. To clear your head of all the expectations and influences of the outside world, and reconnect with the things that bring you personal joy! The personal tastes which inform your identity, and which are too easily surrendered in an attempt to fit in.

After this epiphany of sorts, I’ve become determined to get to know myself again. To do more of the things that I truly love, in order to have a more meaningful life.

Anxiety, Books, Motivation

Grateful For Coffee

I’ve been reading up on the power of gratefulness and have become quite aware of its positive effects through my own personal use. I practice gratefulness by filling out a page in my gratitude journal each morning while I drink my coffee. I prefer to use a guided journal such as “100 Days Of Gratefulness: A Gratitude Journal” by Amy J. Blake, as each page has a pre written prompt to help me get started. Often it’s worded as a question, like “Who do i appreciate and why?”

Being grateful for the people and things you have, is in a sense a surrender of your percieved control of the world around you. I’m grateful for the sun shining, for my loved ones, for the coffee I drink each morning. But that is because I ultimately do not have control over these things. Not really, even my morning cup of coffee is subject to the possibility of a discontinuation of that product.

So I must be grateful, for “…what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love …”

Anxiety, Books

Hygge Emergency!

Hygge and emergency are two words which probably seem at odds with one another.

One brings to mind thoughts of warm fluffy blankets, decadent hot chocolate and reading by a cosy fireplace.

The other… let’s just say that it’s somewhat less relaxing. The combination seems strange, unless you consider the former to be the solution to the latter.

Such is the case in Miek Wikings’ “The Little Book of Hygge”, in the chapter titled: Hygge Emergency Kit. Here Wikings outlines a thoughtful list of hygge essentials that one may keep on hand for emergency situations (although I think it’s fair to say that the term emergency is used somewhat loosely in this scenario).

Some highlights include: candles, warm socks, tea, books and high quality chocolate. It’s basically everything you need for a cosy night in. It’s also basically everything you already have at home. And in my case, it’s basically my usual Friday night plans.

Which leads me to ask why does this chapter exist? The rest of the book is an interesting exploration of this Danish ideology. It’s informative and fascinating in regards to its sociological roots, but this chapter seems unnecessary. The very idea of a hygge emergency is ridiculous. Any issue that can be resolved with high quality chocolate, does not constitute an emergency.

Overall it’s a great read, I’m just getting a little tired of self help books stating the obvious.

Adulting, Anxiety, Books, Mindfulness, Motivation

Fail Safe

Challenges are supposed to make you happy. The novelty alone should stimulate your mind in a positive way. However failure is often an inevitable part of this process. To at last succeed after various unsuccessful attempts can bring about deep feelings of satisfaction. I think that’s why people often highlight the importance of failure. I’ve often heard the phrase “anything worth doing is worth doing badly” thrown around in relation to this.
That all may be well and good for those seemingly self motivated, glass half full kindof people. But for some of us, even after we finally overcome the hurdle, satisfaction is not the feeling which we experience. Instead we look to the ground in shame wondering why it took us so long, when everyone else seems to fly through life with ease and control.
I’ve been reading “The Up Side of Down: Why Failing Well Is the Key to Success” by author Megan McArdle. It’s good. It’s very good. I suggest you read it.

According to McArdle, failure will occur because the universe is uncertain. It’s not necessarily due to a lack of preparation or perfunctory attempts. Success isn’t something you are, it’s something you develop and failure is necessary for this process. In learning to make mistakes, we also learn to understand them and thus how to correct them.
The truth about failure is that it’s hard. It’s extremely difficult in fact, to pick yourself up and start all over again. To stare down whatever it was that knocked you on your ass, take a deep breath and charge in to battle it once more. The book argues that much of this struggle is due to an ingrained fear of failure. It’s something that our parents and school (or really any early validation system) is responsible for. It occurs because we are taught to focus on the final product and ignore the earlier drafts. In fact quite often we never even get to see the earlier drafts.

While some mistakes deserve punishment, most are those we make as we learn. When we begin to do something we’ve never done before. When we write the first chapter, when we edit it, when we re-write it, and even when we edit the revision.

Maybe the reason it’s so hard is that failure is essentially forcing you to change. It’s basically telling you that whatever you are doing doesn’t work. Try again, but try something else. It forces you to grow and realize that there is more than one way to approach a situation, and that some methods are more effective than others. The worst thing you can do is get yourself into a position where you cannot fail. If you cannot fail, you cannot learn.

So instead of avoiding failure, we must train ourselves to be more resilient. Take small calculated risks, so it’s easier to stand up after you topple over. Don’t place blame, not on other people and not on yourself. There are a multitude of reasons something you were striving for failed. Don’t be conceded and assume it was all because of you.

Adulting, Books, Motivation, Organisation

The Organizer

I’m not a naturally organised person, it’s something I have to work on each day. It’s not so much the organising that I find a challenge either, it’s maintaining the organisational system I’ve set in place. Somehow there’s always something more important to do than taking out the trash or unloading the dishwasher, and I fall into that “I’ll do it later” habit. In short it never gets done and I find myself using my dishwasher as a cupboard.

This is why I’m always on the lookout for a great home organisation book. The one I’m reading at the moment is “The 8 Minute Organizer” by Regina Leeds. It’s premise in a nutshell, is that you can organise your home and keep it nice and tidy by tackling each room with short 8 minute tasks.

As someone with roommates, attempting to take stock of the shared areas of the house is a futile endeavour. So I decided to attempt the bedroom list of 8 minute tasks to see if her system would work for me. These tasks included activities such as: speed elimination, line up your handbags and shelve books. One I found to be quite beneficial was to gather stray garments. As I have a tendency to simply deposit clothes onto my bed (instead of in my closet) and then move the eventual pile up of garments to the floor (beds are for sleeping after all), taking the time to hang things up and put them away did wonders to the look of my room.

All in all her suggestions were easy to complete, made a visible impact and most importantly let me feel as though I had some semblance of control over my belongings. She ended the chapter with some daily 2 minute tasks to assist in maintaining the serenity that now is my bedroom. (Making the bed, throwing clothes into the hamper, return items from other rooms back to where they belong etc.) Maintenance rituals such as these are key in keeping your space organised.

The final chapter discusses maintenance in depth and how you can turn it into a ritual. Bad habits can totally derail any intention you have for a tidy space, so it becomes necessary to schedule in cleaning time. It also becomes extremely necessary to reward yourself after completing each task or ritual, just think of yourself as Pavlov’s dog and give yourself a little treat for being such a good boy. Leeds says you have to keep at it and practice for ultimate success, and all I can promise is that I will try…

It’s only 8 minutes after all.

Adulting, Books, Motivation, Relationships

Break Up Guide Book

All relationships have expiration dates (read: your eventual death), how you choose to deal with such endings is what the book “How To Break Up With Anyone” by Jamye Waxman is all about. A break up is the process of letting go, often it’s one that serves your best interest. So remember you are not a bad person for wanting to break up, you are simply looking after yourself.

Another thing to note is that no two break ups will ever be the same… I’m sure that seems pretty obvious to most, consider it a disclaimer. Along the same vein of pretty obvious but needs to be mentioned anyway: Don’t break up spontaneously. Relationships don’t really end in an instant, although sometimes they feel like they do. And always remember that avoidance is not the same as a break up. While it may seem easier at first, it’s harder and much more complicated in the long run.

With that out of the way, I present to you the seven steps to breaking up:

1. Be mentally prepared. A breakup requires confidence, clarity and in some instances steely determination. Be honest and ask yourself what does this break up really mean? What does ending things actually look like? What will you lose?

2. Be detail orientated. Decide the where, when and length of the interaction. Figure out what issues need to be addressed, how you will cope with the things that still bind you such as shared social circles, parents, belongings etc.

3. Leave the blame at home. It takes two to tango as they say, and you need to acknowledge the part you played in this situation. It will never be 100% your fault or theirs, and revisiting the past in an attempt to figure things out is a futile effort. The past is over an done with, so why not instead try to make the end as comfortable as possible?

4. Stay motivated and think positive. See this ending as the start of a new beginning and be excited for it. Once this painful part is out of the way, you get to move on to better things.

5. Don’t get trapped. Physically or emotionally. Create boundaries and learn to say no. If necessary play the song “New Rules” by Dua Lipa on repeat until the message sinks in.

6. Feel. It’s okay to feel hurt, nervous, angry, sad, disheartened etc. Make time to face it head on, this isn’t going to be a fun process (unless you’re a sociopath).

7. Get a mantra. Pretty self explanatory.

The book goes into much more detail on each of these steps. It also looks at different types of toxic relationships and how to identify them. There are entire chapters dedicated to different types of break ups, from breaking up with a friend, family, career or community. Everything is presented in great detail with real life examples. So if you need to break up with someone, anyone… This should be your go to book.