Adulting, Books, Motivation, Organisation

The Organizer

I’m not a naturally organised person, it’s something I have to work on each day. It’s not so much the organising that I find a challenge either, it’s maintaining the organisational system I’ve set in place. Somehow there’s always something more important to do than taking out the trash or unloading the dishwasher, and I fall into that “I’ll do it later” habit. In short it never gets done and I find myself using my dishwasher as a cupboard.

This is why I’m always on the lookout for a great home organisation book. The one I’m reading at the moment is “The 8 Minute Organizer” by Regina Leeds. It’s premise in a nutshell, is that you can organise your home and keep it nice and tidy by tackling each room with short 8 minute tasks.

As someone with roommates, attempting to take stock of the shared areas of the house is a futile endeavour. So I decided to attempt the bedroom list of 8 minute tasks to see if her system would work for me. These tasks included activities such as: speed elimination, line up your handbags and shelve books. One I found to be quite beneficial was to gather stray garments. As I have a tendency to simply deposit clothes onto my bed (instead of in my closet) and then move the eventual pile up of garments to the floor (beds are for sleeping after all), taking the time to hang things up and put them away did wonders to the look of my room.

All in all her suggestions were easy to complete, made a visible impact and most importantly let me feel as though I had some semblance of control over my belongings. She ended the chapter with some daily 2 minute tasks to assist in maintaining the serenity that now is my bedroom. (Making the bed, throwing clothes into the hamper, return items from other rooms back to where they belong etc.) Maintenance rituals such as these are key in keeping your space organised.

The final chapter discusses maintenance in depth and how you can turn it into a ritual. Bad habits can totally derail any intention you have for a tidy space, so it becomes necessary to schedule in cleaning time. It also becomes extremely necessary to reward yourself after completing each task or ritual, just think of yourself as Pavlov’s dog and give yourself a little treat for being such a good boy. Leeds says you have to keep at it and practice for ultimate success, and all I can promise is that I will try…

It’s only 8 minutes after all.

Adulting, Books, Motivation, Relationships

Break Up Guide Book

All relationships have expiration dates (read: your eventual death), how you choose to deal with such endings is what the book “How To Break Up With Anyone” by Jamye Waxman is all about. A break up is the process of letting go, often it’s one that serves your best interest. So remember you are not a bad person for wanting to break up, you are simply looking after yourself.

Another thing to note is that no two break ups will ever be the same… I’m sure that seems pretty obvious to most, consider it a disclaimer. Along the same vein of pretty obvious but needs to be mentioned anyway: Don’t break up spontaneously. Relationships don’t really end in an instant, although sometimes they feel like they do. And always remember that avoidance is not the same as a break up. While it may seem easier at first, it’s harder and much more complicated in the long run.

With that out of the way, I present to you the seven steps to breaking up:

1. Be mentally prepared. A breakup requires confidence, clarity and in some instances steely determination. Be honest and ask yourself what does this break up really mean? What does ending things actually look like? What will you lose?

2. Be detail orientated. Decide the where, when and length of the interaction. Figure out what issues need to be addressed, how you will cope with the things that still bind you such as shared social circles, parents, belongings etc.

3. Leave the blame at home. It takes two to tango as they say, and you need to acknowledge the part you played in this situation. It will never be 100% your fault or theirs, and revisiting the past in an attempt to figure things out is a futile effort. The past is over an done with, so why not instead try to make the end as comfortable as possible?

4. Stay motivated and think positive. See this ending as the start of a new beginning and be excited for it. Once this painful part is out of the way, you get to move on to better things.

5. Don’t get trapped. Physically or emotionally. Create boundaries and learn to say no. If necessary play the song “New Rules” by Dua Lipa on repeat until the message sinks in.

6. Feel. It’s okay to feel hurt, nervous, angry, sad, disheartened etc. Make time to face it head on, this isn’t going to be a fun process (unless you’re a sociopath).

7. Get a mantra. Pretty self explanatory.

The book goes into much more detail on each of these steps. It also looks at different types of toxic relationships and how to identify them. There are entire chapters dedicated to different types of break ups, from breaking up with a friend, family, career or community. Everything is presented in great detail with real life examples. So if you need to break up with someone, anyone… This should be your go to book.

Adulting, Anxiety, Books, Mindfulness, Motivation

Journaling

I recently picked up a self help guide titled: “100 Days of Gratefulness: A Gratitude Journal” by Amy J. Blake. Although I’m not entirely sure if you could call it a guide per se, it’s more like a journal with prompts. Each page is titled with a question, such as “How am I fortunate?” and then it gives you space to provide an answer. Ideally you would tackle one question each day, spending approximately ten minutes on your response. There are one hundred questions in total, all of which ask you in one way or another what you are grateful for.

I’ve read books on the power of gratefulness before, and I am quite aware of the positive effects this practice can have in your life. However it can be difficult to get started. That’s why having a journal with pre-designed prompts can help. It makes the entire process a lot easier by incorporating more structure to the practice and through it’s one question a day set up it can assist in making gratefulness a habit.

You don’t necessarily need to buy a journal like this one either. Any notebook will do, just google gratitude prompts to obtain the questions. Then take some time each day to answer one, I personally like to write a response with my morning cup of coffee. There is just something substantial about writing your responses down, about taking the time to really collect your thoughts, which makes journaling a great medium for practicing gratefulness. In the past I’ve simply spouted lists of things I’m grateful for at random times throughout the day, but the intention behind writing makes it more meaningful.

Books, Brain Hacks, Mindfulness, Minimalism, Motivation

One Thing

Change One Thing” another relatively small self help book by Sue Hadfield, is in some ways pretty straight forward and predictable, and yet it remains entirely helpful for the self help novice. It’s premise is simple: making just one change (however small) can impact the rest of your life. Although throughout its pages it suggests many small changes to assist in projecting this impact.

The past is over and only exists when you choose to recall it. Therefore you cannot let it get you down, instead see your mistakes or regrets as examples of how change will come to you whether you invite it or not. Start being pro-active about this unstoppable foe: Change!

• Motivation
It all begins with motivation. You want to be aware that you are living a life worth living while living it.
• Identification
Know who you are and what it is that you want. Know your values and embrace them.
• Recognition
Having purpose in life is in many ways more powerful than having your perceived “needs” met. Don’t delay following your purpose because you have yet to meet those needs. It’s like saying “I can’t do something until I get a better job” when by following your purpose or passion your inner life would be happier and that in turn would colour your outer life. A great life can be as easy as fulfilling your own potential.
• Procrastination
Procrastination is basically resistance to change. It stems from the belief that you either aren’t capable of change or you have to wait until change comes for you and you have no other choice. You may seek instant gratification and therefore become impatient with those small steps that eventually become a big change, or are a perfectionist afraid of making a mistake and therefore put things off. Instead of focusing on the negative outcomes try focusing on the positives.
• Inspiration
Clarify your goals, success comes from preparation, planning, research and staying power. So prepare! Research the changes you wish to make and ask questions about the process from people who have already been there, done that. Look at how these changes align with your values.
• Preparation
Keep on learning, keep on gathering information and prepare yourself for the inevitable setbacks. Success isn’t about luck it’s about persistence.
• Implementation
It’s all about finding time and working towards your purpose. There’s a danger in being busy doing things that don’t bring value or joy to your life. Don’t let life become a treadmill where you loose track of your values or purpose.
• Determination
Start now and keep going. Resilience is key, and a part of that is understanding and welcoming obstacles as a chance to see how far you come and re-evaluate your plans.

It’s all relatively obvious, but empowering regardless. A great book and one that actually takes the time to identify and describe the entire process from start to finish. Which is actually quite a unique feat for a self help book.

Motivation

Universe vs You

“The universe doesn’t care about you.”

It’s the central hypothesis of the book “The universe doesn’t give a flying fuck about you” by Johnny Truant. I’m not going to lie, yet again I was drawn in by the title. That and the fact that this eBook is free, relatable, funny, smart and it’s quite sarcastic too. There’s also a Battlestar Galactica reference and if that doesn’t sell you on this I don’t know what will.

Honestly this book is like a locker room speech style call to arms to start living your life. It’s deeply inspiring. Completely unhelpful in terms of techniques to achieve your goals, but definitely worthwhile reading for the sheer force of will it elicits.

In the grand big scheme of things we’re just a bug on the highway and the universe does not care about what we do with the nanosecond of time we have on this earth. But it’s for this very reason that we should care. Time won’t stop for us, the end is nigh so start doing “epic shit!”

 

Brain Hacks, Motivation

Intention is Key

I’ve been reading “The stuntman’s guide to learning anything” by Brett Solomano. I was hooked by the title, assuming rather incorrectly that it would be a how to guide for juggling chainsaws or executing a burnout in my driveway…

It’s not.

But despite my initial disappointment, I did find a few pearls of wisdom within this rather ill titled guidebook (seriously not even one word on how to do a wheelie) that made up for any feelings of animosity I had. It can all be whittled down into three main points.

The first being that intention is key! Intention is everything in fact, at least when it comes to learning. It’s therefore important to not only learn and therefore act deliberately, but to have a clear and precise plan for your actions. You must set clear and explicit goals early on, that are:

  • Specific
  • Measurable
  • Ambitious
  • In the present tense
  • Re-adjustable and refinable
  • Timed
  • Tangible

Once your game plan is put in place, you then have to hold yourself accountable in actioning it. While you can let others know and have that outside force keep you in check, an even better way to encourage accountability is by acknowledging the milestones you reach towards your goal. Celebrate the progress you make and it will stimulate your brain to keep going.

Finally you have to learn to retain the information you collect, by understanding how the brain undergoes this retention process. Unfortunately it does not learn chronologically, so for example reading a book from start to finish will be unlikely to result in learning. But if you can base your enquiries on information that has relevance to your actions or has similarities/differences to information you already have stored (thus allowing you to build from previous knowledge) then learning becomes much easier.